Partager l'article ! House quotes I: Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up. Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen. Dr. E ...
Samedi 23 février 2008
6
23
/02
/Fév
/2008
10:59
Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
Dr. Gregory House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.
Dr. Gregory House: You bastard. You invited my parents to dinner.
Dr. Wilson: Geez, Cameron's got a big mouth.
Dr. Gregory House: Ha! Not as big as yours.
Dr. Wilson: Hey, you used me to avoid seeing your parents.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, what do you care?
Dr. Wilson: I don't. I just thought it might be interesting to find out why.
Dr. Gregory House: You could have just asked.
Dr. Wilson: You would have lied.
Dr. Gregory House: And you would have believed me. Which would have kept us both happy. Do you want your money back, is that what this is about?
Dr. Wilson: No! Wait, what? Have you got the money?
[House starts to write check]
Dr. Wilson: If you have the money, then why did you need the loan?
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't. I just wanted to see if you'd give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since you lent me forty dollars a year ago. A little experiment to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: You're - you're trying to objectively measure how much I value our friendship?
Dr. Gregory House: That's five grand, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. So what do you say, one little phone call, one big check?
Dr. Wilson: Fine.
[takes check]
Dr. Wilson: Thanks.
[gets in car]
Dr. Wilson: Now, be a grownup and either tell mommy and daddy you don't want to see them or I'm picking you up at 7:00 for dinner.
Dr. Gregory House: What do you mean? You just said...
Dr. Wilson: I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts ever since I told you you look good unshaved a year ago. It's a little experiment, you know, to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: I am so tired of this.
[pause]
Dr. Wilson: Did you know that the new nurse from cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?
Dr. Gregory House: The guy with eleven fingers?
Dr. Wilson: He has eleven fingers?
Dr. Gregory House: How do you not notice that?
Dr. Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.
Dr. Gregory House: [guessing] She's not anymore.
Dr. Wilson: But we can't talk about that.
Dr. Gregory House: I thought we were.
Dr. Wilson: We were supposed to talk about that. I came here to talk about that, but on the way up, I ran into Cameron. You've got a CIPA patient.
Dr. Gregory House: [thinks] ... tranny nurse is more interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, it's WAY more interesting. But instead, I've gotta be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience...
Dr. Gregory House: No one enjoys it...
Dr. Wilson: You're studying her.
Dr. Gregory House: She's actually sick.
Dr. Wilson: Which you found out after you took her on.
Dr. Gregory House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
Dr. Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats. You don't care about her illness, you care about CIPA - which means your focus is gonna be on getting your answers, not hers.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. Forewarned is forearmed.
Dr. Wilson: What do you think you're gonna figure out? You think... her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain.
Dr. Gregory House: I think... if you'd stop talking to Cameron, then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of doability.
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, the Socratic Method. The best way we have of teaching everything-apart from juggling chainsaws.
Lola: He drops clean urine, denies using steroids, and you're giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse?
Dr. Gregory House: No, no, it's not. No, it's got calcium in it. It's very good for the bones. Basically, at a molecular level, it's just milk.
[Lola leaves]
Dr. Gregory House: How long do you figure before I get a call from Cuddy?
....
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You put him on Lupron?
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-huh.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And you told them it was like milk?
Dr. Gregory House: Yes.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
Dr. Gregory House: It's creamy.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh...
Dr. Gregory House: What? You're saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Uh... and... who...?
Dr. Gregory House: Kevin. In bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well, first of all, his name's Karl...
Dr. Gregory House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.
Dr. Wilson: [to House] Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. Very caveman.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This is definitely different.
Dr. Robert Chase: [looking at a photograph of House] It looks almost like...
Dr. Cameron: ...He's caring.
Dr. Gregory House: Chase loves me. And isn't Turkish.
Dr. Wilson: No, Cameron loves you. Chase loves his job.
Dr. Gregory House: Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money.
Dr. Gregory House: J'ever notice, how all the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa... can't think of any others, they all die alone? The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz it's crazy.
Dr. Wilson: It's an unfair world.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, there's the fever that Cameron was looking for.
Dr. Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an -itis. This must be the infection that set it off.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Except in this universe effect follows cause. I've complained about it, but...
Dr. Robert Chase: I'd give her two months.
Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right.
Dr. Robert Chase: In pre-med, I had a professor who...
Dr. Gregory House: - touched you in the naughty place?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You want me to put Hank Wiggin on the transplant list?
Dr. Gregory House: He needs a new kidney. I was thinking the kidney people might have some.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, they like to save them for people who have... how do I put this?... kidney problems.
[about Cuddy]
Dr. Robert Chase: You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty.
Dr. Gregory House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.
Dr. Gregory House: Why are you doing this?
Dr. Cameron: I'm not doing anything.
Dr. Gregory House: You're manipulating everyone.
Dr. Cameron: People... dismiss me. Because I'm a woman, because I'm pretty, because I'm not agressive. My opinions shouldn't be rejected just because people don't like me.
Dr. Gregory House: They like you. Everyone likes you.
[he starts to walk away]
Dr. Cameron: Do you?
[pause]
Dr. Cameron: I have to know.
Dr. Gregory House: No.
Dr. Cameron: [smiles quietly] Okay.
Dr. Wilson: [House is attempting to put on a tie before his date with Cameron] The wide side's too short. You're gonna look like Lou Costello.
Dr. Gregory House: This is a mistake. I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring.
Dr. Wilson: Open doors for her, help her with her chair...
Dr. Gregory House: I have been on a date.
Dr. Wilson: Uh, not since disco died. Comment on her shoes, her earrings, and then move on to D.H.A. : her Dreams, Hopes, and Aspirations. Trust me. Panty-peeler. Oh, and if you need condoms, I've got some.
Dr. Gregory House: [sarcastically] Did your wife give them to you?
Dr. Wilson: Drug rep. They got antibiotics built in, somehow.
Dr. Gregory House: I should cancel. I've got a patient in surgery tomorrow.
[House moves to the kitchen]
Dr. Wilson: And if you were a surgeon, that would actually matter. That's a good idea, settle your nerves. Get me a beer too.
Dr. Gregory House: No beer.
Dr. Wilson: You're gonna eat before dinner?
[House reaches into the friedge and takes out a corsage]
Dr. Gregory House: This is pretty lame, right?
Dr. Wilson: I think she likes lame.
Dr. Robert Chase: [about Cameron and House's upcoming date] House isn't going to hand you anything. You want him, you've gotta take him. Jump him.
Dr. Roger Spain (First Applicant): Wow, I thought you'd be the last person to have a problem with nonconformity.
Dr. Gregory House: Nonconformity; right... I can't remember the last time saw a twenty something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker! You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut. Like the Asian kids that don't leave the library for a twenty hours stretch. They're the ones that don't care what you think.
[pause]
Dr. Gregory House: Sayonara
[Dr. Spain exits office]
Dr. Wilson: So, should I go through all the resumes looking for Asian names?
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, the Asian kids are probably just responding to parental pressure, but my point is still valid.
Dr. Gregory House: Read less, more TV.
Dr. Gregory House: That's absurd. I love it.
Anica Jovanovich: You know, I was going to ask what a respectable doctor was doing in an OTB parlor... somehow, that question doesn't seem relevant any more.
Dr. Gregory House: What's your excuse?
Anica Jovanovich: Turns me on.
Dr. Gregory House: What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex?
[pause]
Dr. Gregory House: Casual rough sex? I'm a doctor, I need to know.
Stacy Warner: God, you are such an idiot.
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.
Dr. Gregory House: [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
Dr. Gregory House: This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a bored... certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
[to Lisa]
Dr. Gregory House: That is true, isn't it?
[to crowd]
Dr. Gregory House: But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
[nobody moves]
Dr. Gregory House: And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
[everybody raises their hand]
Dr. Gregory House: Okay, well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind.
Dr. Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don't have sex.
Dr. Gregory House: Their mistake.
Dr. Robert Chase: How'd you like it if I interfered in your personal life?
Dr. Gregory House: I'd hate it. That's why, cleverly, I have no personal life.
Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: You certainly love saying it.
Dr. Wilson: At least I try.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
Dr. Gregory House: So between us we can do anything. We can rule the world!
Dr. Gregory House: I find your interest interesting.
Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die that she may have cheated on him?
Dr. Gregory House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.
Dr. Gregory House: Chicks dig this
[waves cane]
Dr. Gregory House: It's better than a puppy!
Dr. Eric Foreman: You assaulted that man!
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll never do it again.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yes you will.
Dr. Gregory House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.
Dr. Cameron: I'm uncomfortable about sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, we don't have to talk about this...
Dr. Cameron: Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
[She pauses to catch her breath]
Dr. Robert Chase: [He is speechless]
Dr. Cameron: Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [enters]
Dr. Cameron: [as if nothing had just occurred] Hey Foreman. What's up?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.
Dr. Wilson: Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
Dr. Gregory House: And the reason you want respect?
Dr. Wilson: To... get laid.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House] These regulations aren't just here to annoy you.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think we need to take his girlfriend's theory into account.
Dr. Cameron: Oh, and what is that?
Dr. Robert Chase: She thinks she rode him to death.
Dr. Wilson: Even I don't like you!
Dr. Gregory House: Words can hurt you know.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting, new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Your reputation won't last if you don't do your job; the clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job.
Dr. Gregory House: But as the philosopher Jagger once said "You can't always get what you want."
Dr. Gregory House: Everybody lies.
Dr. Gregory House: Overall, drug addicts are idiots
Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: You loved all your wives.
Dr. Gregory House: Less money is made by biochemists working on a cure for cancer than by their colleagues struggling valiantly to hide steroid use.
Dr. Gregory House: I take risks, sometimes patients die, but not taking risks causes more patients to die - so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you are going listen to it, I love this part.
Dr. Wilson: You're not going to be happy with anyone.
Dr. Gregory House: So, what, your advice is... hire someone I'm not happy with and be happy?
Dr. Wilson: No, my advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass. You always find some tiny little flaw to push people away.
Dr. Gregory House: Now it's people. I thought we were talking about fellowship applicants.
Dr. Wilson: You have a history of this.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, when I do decide to push you away, I hope there's a small person kneeling behind you so you fall down and hurt your head.
Dr. Cameron: [discussing a patient's diagnosis] What about sex?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Heh, nice cover.
[to House]
Dr. Cameron: I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. It's okay. I'm happy for you.
Dr. Gregory House: How are we doing on the cotton swabs today? If there's a critical shortage, I could run home.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, you couldn't.
Dr. Gregory House: Nice.
Jill: My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm overtraining; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day,
[House looks tired]
Jill: but I can't seem to lose any weight.
Dr. Gregory House: Lift up your arms.
[she does so]
Dr. Gregory House: You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
Dr. Gregory House: Lie back and lift up your sweater.
[she lies back, and still has her hands up]
Dr. Gregory House: You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
Dr. Gregory House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
[he starts to ultrasound her abdomen]
Jill: Illegal?
Dr. Gregory House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates?
Dr. Gregory House: [shows her the ultrasound] It has your eyes.
[it's a baby]
Dr. Cameron: I'm the only one who's always stood behind you when you've screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Why? Why would you support someone who screws up?
Dr. Cameron: Because I'm not insanely insecure, and because I can actually trust in another human being, and I am not an angry, misanthropic son of a bitch.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. You said you *weren't* angry.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
Dr. Gregory House: The one that starts, "First, do no harm", then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn't impressed.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This guy's been injecting himself how many times a day? All it'd take is one slip of the needle to cause an air embolus.
Dr. Gregory House: So air is keeping him from breathing air. Let's go with that for the irony.
Dr. Gregory House: The drugs don't make me high, they make me neutral.
Dr. Gregory House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?
Dr. Gregory House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a...
[pauses]
Dr. Gregory House: I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
Dr. Gregory House: Would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better. Shoulda seen her in the last months of our relationship. Lot of guilt. *Lot* of screaming.
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [speaking about patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at Chase and Cameron and their wet hair] You two shower together?
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Robert Chase: NO!
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at Forman] Double negative. It's a yes.
[Forman stares at Chase and Cameron]
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
Dr. Gregory House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.
Dr. Gregory House: You bastard. You invited my parents to dinner.
Dr. Wilson: Geez, Cameron's got a big mouth.
Dr. Gregory House: Ha! Not as big as yours.
Dr. Wilson: Hey, you used me to avoid seeing your parents.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, what do you care?
Dr. Wilson: I don't. I just thought it might be interesting to find out why.
Dr. Gregory House: You could have just asked.
Dr. Wilson: You would have lied.
Dr. Gregory House: And you would have believed me. Which would have kept us both happy. Do you want your money back, is that what this is about?
Dr. Wilson: No! Wait, what? Have you got the money?
[House starts to write check]
Dr. Wilson: If you have the money, then why did you need the loan?
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't. I just wanted to see if you'd give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since you lent me forty dollars a year ago. A little experiment to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: You're - you're trying to objectively measure how much I value our friendship?
Dr. Gregory House: That's five grand, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. So what do you say, one little phone call, one big check?
Dr. Wilson: Fine.
[takes check]
Dr. Wilson: Thanks.
[gets in car]
Dr. Wilson: Now, be a grownup and either tell mommy and daddy you don't want to see them or I'm picking you up at 7:00 for dinner.
Dr. Gregory House: What do you mean? You just said...
Dr. Wilson: I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts ever since I told you you look good unshaved a year ago. It's a little experiment, you know, to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: I am so tired of this.
[pause]
Dr. Wilson: Did you know that the new nurse from cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?
Dr. Gregory House: The guy with eleven fingers?
Dr. Wilson: He has eleven fingers?
Dr. Gregory House: How do you not notice that?
Dr. Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.
Dr. Gregory House: [guessing] She's not anymore.
Dr. Wilson: But we can't talk about that.
Dr. Gregory House: I thought we were.
Dr. Wilson: We were supposed to talk about that. I came here to talk about that, but on the way up, I ran into Cameron. You've got a CIPA patient.
Dr. Gregory House: [thinks] ... tranny nurse is more interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, it's WAY more interesting. But instead, I've gotta be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience...
Dr. Gregory House: No one enjoys it...
Dr. Wilson: You're studying her.
Dr. Gregory House: She's actually sick.
Dr. Wilson: Which you found out after you took her on.
Dr. Gregory House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
Dr. Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats. You don't care about her illness, you care about CIPA - which means your focus is gonna be on getting your answers, not hers.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. Forewarned is forearmed.
Dr. Wilson: What do you think you're gonna figure out? You think... her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain.
Dr. Gregory House: I think... if you'd stop talking to Cameron, then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of doability.
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, the Socratic Method. The best way we have of teaching everything-apart from juggling chainsaws.
Lola: He drops clean urine, denies using steroids, and you're giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse?
Dr. Gregory House: No, no, it's not. No, it's got calcium in it. It's very good for the bones. Basically, at a molecular level, it's just milk.
[Lola leaves]
Dr. Gregory House: How long do you figure before I get a call from Cuddy?
....
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You put him on Lupron?
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-huh.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And you told them it was like milk?
Dr. Gregory House: Yes.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
Dr. Gregory House: It's creamy.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh...
Dr. Gregory House: What? You're saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Uh... and... who...?
Dr. Gregory House: Kevin. In bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well, first of all, his name's Karl...
Dr. Gregory House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.
Dr. Wilson: [to House] Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. Very caveman.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This is definitely different.
Dr. Robert Chase: [looking at a photograph of House] It looks almost like...
Dr. Cameron: ...He's caring.
Dr. Gregory House: Chase loves me. And isn't Turkish.
Dr. Wilson: No, Cameron loves you. Chase loves his job.
Dr. Gregory House: Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money.
Dr. Gregory House: J'ever notice, how all the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa... can't think of any others, they all die alone? The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz it's crazy.
Dr. Wilson: It's an unfair world.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, there's the fever that Cameron was looking for.
Dr. Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an -itis. This must be the infection that set it off.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Except in this universe effect follows cause. I've complained about it, but...
Dr. Robert Chase: I'd give her two months.
Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right.
Dr. Robert Chase: In pre-med, I had a professor who...
Dr. Gregory House: - touched you in the naughty place?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You want me to put Hank Wiggin on the transplant list?
Dr. Gregory House: He needs a new kidney. I was thinking the kidney people might have some.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, they like to save them for people who have... how do I put this?... kidney problems.
[about Cuddy]
Dr. Robert Chase: You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty.
Dr. Gregory House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.
Dr. Gregory House: Why are you doing this?
Dr. Cameron: I'm not doing anything.
Dr. Gregory House: You're manipulating everyone.
Dr. Cameron: People... dismiss me. Because I'm a woman, because I'm pretty, because I'm not agressive. My opinions shouldn't be rejected just because people don't like me.
Dr. Gregory House: They like you. Everyone likes you.
[he starts to walk away]
Dr. Cameron: Do you?
[pause]
Dr. Cameron: I have to know.
Dr. Gregory House: No.
Dr. Cameron: [smiles quietly] Okay.
Dr. Wilson: [House is attempting to put on a tie before his date with Cameron] The wide side's too short. You're gonna look like Lou Costello.
Dr. Gregory House: This is a mistake. I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring.
Dr. Wilson: Open doors for her, help her with her chair...
Dr. Gregory House: I have been on a date.
Dr. Wilson: Uh, not since disco died. Comment on her shoes, her earrings, and then move on to D.H.A. : her Dreams, Hopes, and Aspirations. Trust me. Panty-peeler. Oh, and if you need condoms, I've got some.
Dr. Gregory House: [sarcastically] Did your wife give them to you?
Dr. Wilson: Drug rep. They got antibiotics built in, somehow.
Dr. Gregory House: I should cancel. I've got a patient in surgery tomorrow.
[House moves to the kitchen]
Dr. Wilson: And if you were a surgeon, that would actually matter. That's a good idea, settle your nerves. Get me a beer too.
Dr. Gregory House: No beer.
Dr. Wilson: You're gonna eat before dinner?
[House reaches into the friedge and takes out a corsage]
Dr. Gregory House: This is pretty lame, right?
Dr. Wilson: I think she likes lame.
Dr. Robert Chase: [about Cameron and House's upcoming date] House isn't going to hand you anything. You want him, you've gotta take him. Jump him.
Dr. Roger Spain (First Applicant): Wow, I thought you'd be the last person to have a problem with nonconformity.
Dr. Gregory House: Nonconformity; right... I can't remember the last time saw a twenty something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker! You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut. Like the Asian kids that don't leave the library for a twenty hours stretch. They're the ones that don't care what you think.
[pause]
Dr. Gregory House: Sayonara
[Dr. Spain exits office]
Dr. Wilson: So, should I go through all the resumes looking for Asian names?
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, the Asian kids are probably just responding to parental pressure, but my point is still valid.
Dr. Gregory House: Read less, more TV.
Dr. Gregory House: That's absurd. I love it.
Anica Jovanovich: You know, I was going to ask what a respectable doctor was doing in an OTB parlor... somehow, that question doesn't seem relevant any more.
Dr. Gregory House: What's your excuse?
Anica Jovanovich: Turns me on.
Dr. Gregory House: What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex?
[pause]
Dr. Gregory House: Casual rough sex? I'm a doctor, I need to know.
Stacy Warner: God, you are such an idiot.
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.
Dr. Gregory House: [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
Dr. Gregory House: This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a bored... certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
[to Lisa]
Dr. Gregory House: That is true, isn't it?
[to crowd]
Dr. Gregory House: But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
[nobody moves]
Dr. Gregory House: And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
[everybody raises their hand]
Dr. Gregory House: Okay, well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind.
Dr. Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don't have sex.
Dr. Gregory House: Their mistake.
Dr. Robert Chase: How'd you like it if I interfered in your personal life?
Dr. Gregory House: I'd hate it. That's why, cleverly, I have no personal life.
Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: You certainly love saying it.
Dr. Wilson: At least I try.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
Dr. Gregory House: So between us we can do anything. We can rule the world!
Dr. Gregory House: I find your interest interesting.
Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die that she may have cheated on him?
Dr. Gregory House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.
Dr. Gregory House: Chicks dig this
[waves cane]
Dr. Gregory House: It's better than a puppy!
Dr. Eric Foreman: You assaulted that man!
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll never do it again.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yes you will.
Dr. Gregory House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.
Dr. Cameron: I'm uncomfortable about sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, we don't have to talk about this...
Dr. Cameron: Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
[She pauses to catch her breath]
Dr. Robert Chase: [He is speechless]
Dr. Cameron: Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [enters]
Dr. Cameron: [as if nothing had just occurred] Hey Foreman. What's up?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.
Dr. Wilson: Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
Dr. Gregory House: And the reason you want respect?
Dr. Wilson: To... get laid.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House] These regulations aren't just here to annoy you.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think we need to take his girlfriend's theory into account.
Dr. Cameron: Oh, and what is that?
Dr. Robert Chase: She thinks she rode him to death.
Dr. Wilson: Even I don't like you!
Dr. Gregory House: Words can hurt you know.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting, new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Your reputation won't last if you don't do your job; the clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job.
Dr. Gregory House: But as the philosopher Jagger once said "You can't always get what you want."
Dr. Gregory House: Everybody lies.
Dr. Gregory House: Overall, drug addicts are idiots
Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: You loved all your wives.
Dr. Gregory House: Less money is made by biochemists working on a cure for cancer than by their colleagues struggling valiantly to hide steroid use.
Dr. Gregory House: I take risks, sometimes patients die, but not taking risks causes more patients to die - so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you are going listen to it, I love this part.
Dr. Wilson: You're not going to be happy with anyone.
Dr. Gregory House: So, what, your advice is... hire someone I'm not happy with and be happy?
Dr. Wilson: No, my advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass. You always find some tiny little flaw to push people away.
Dr. Gregory House: Now it's people. I thought we were talking about fellowship applicants.
Dr. Wilson: You have a history of this.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, when I do decide to push you away, I hope there's a small person kneeling behind you so you fall down and hurt your head.
Dr. Cameron: [discussing a patient's diagnosis] What about sex?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Heh, nice cover.
[to House]
Dr. Cameron: I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. It's okay. I'm happy for you.
Dr. Gregory House: How are we doing on the cotton swabs today? If there's a critical shortage, I could run home.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, you couldn't.
Dr. Gregory House: Nice.
Jill: My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm overtraining; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day,
[House looks tired]
Jill: but I can't seem to lose any weight.
Dr. Gregory House: Lift up your arms.
[she does so]
Dr. Gregory House: You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
Dr. Gregory House: Lie back and lift up your sweater.
[she lies back, and still has her hands up]
Dr. Gregory House: You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
Dr. Gregory House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
[he starts to ultrasound her abdomen]
Jill: Illegal?
Dr. Gregory House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates?
Dr. Gregory House: [shows her the ultrasound] It has your eyes.
[it's a baby]
Dr. Cameron: I'm the only one who's always stood behind you when you've screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Why? Why would you support someone who screws up?
Dr. Cameron: Because I'm not insanely insecure, and because I can actually trust in another human being, and I am not an angry, misanthropic son of a bitch.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. You said you *weren't* angry.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
Dr. Gregory House: The one that starts, "First, do no harm", then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn't impressed.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This guy's been injecting himself how many times a day? All it'd take is one slip of the needle to cause an air embolus.
Dr. Gregory House: So air is keeping him from breathing air. Let's go with that for the irony.
Dr. Gregory House: The drugs don't make me high, they make me neutral.
Dr. Gregory House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?
Dr. Gregory House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a...
[pauses]
Dr. Gregory House: I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
Dr. Gregory House: Would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better. Shoulda seen her in the last months of our relationship. Lot of guilt. *Lot* of screaming.
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [speaking about patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at Chase and Cameron and their wet hair] You two shower together?
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Robert Chase: NO!
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at Forman] Double negative. It's a yes.
[Forman stares at Chase and Cameron]
Présentation
- : Verbatim
-
- : Loisirs
- : Le gaspillage est l'essence du luxe... Mais si vous jugez bon de chercher d'autres explications, je vous concede que vous etes vous aussi libre de décider comment perdre votre temps !
- Partager ce blog
- Retour à la page d'accueil
- Contact
Créer un Blog
Recherche
Articles récents
Calendrier
| Mai 2012 | ||||||||||
| L | M | M | J | V | S | D | ||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | |||||
| 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | ||||
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | ||||
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | ||||
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |||||||
|
||||||||||